Thursday, August 09, 2001

GREAT! Okay...I'm being sarcastic...! I juss don't understand y all those things happen 2 me! U know, yesterday I was feeling well, but now I'm sooooo pissed off..'Cuz I've been really bad @ school the past 2 months and now I wiil probably spend a long time studying on my summer school vacations!! It's a bore 'cuz I'm no longer a bad student! you know, I'm trying to...
I was so fed up with all this sh** that happened, that I screamed w my teacher and my friends... Actually, I screamed with my "bestfriend" I don't think I call her my bestfriend.. You see, I do everything I want people to do for me.. I plant what I wanna pick up.But that's not happening in my realationship w Patty, she desapoints me all the time, It seams like I'm juss a "someone who she can count on and do stuff fotr her, even if she treats me bad" I'm juss so damned pissed off w it that I am trying not to spent 2 much time w her, but that difficult 'cuz she is my best friend, the one who is as crazy as I am!! I hate this situation, I hate the fact that I never get happy for real reasons and stuff! I WANNA BE HAPPY!
Okay...I'm quite nervous now so I think I'll write more... Later of course, now I'm gonna call my friend Lu (Patty's sista) and we're going out at the afternoon. Oak, now I'm leaving i'll write as when I get back home.

-->(¨¨`´¨¨)<--Carolover

Wednesday, August 08, 2001

Okay.. So let me start...
Remember R (i'm still not sure if I should write his name!)..Well, I've see him again 2day...I was @ my schhol's corner whe He crosses the street riding his bike... He was so cute, and I recognised him immediatly, GOSH! He made my heartbeat go faster.... I was so like "man.. I can't live without him.. I CAN NOT!!! Then my friend Patty, who was w/ me started waving 4 him and screamming his name really loud! He listened and waved back (well I gess so, I couldn't turn and see...) After this, I was a bit <- I mean TOO MUCH nervous, but I went talkin to my skateboarders friends ( from now on I'll call him SkF ok?) Well while Powbell (tht's a friends surname) was teaching me how to make a wallie (I made it!) I told him how I was nervous and he asked why... I told him tht I have seen the guy who I love ...
See, this was the only thing which happened 2day...But the upcommig days will be really cool...
I`m going to the "Fly Music House" <- I'm not sure I will be able to get inside there, `cuz there's a censorship (16yearsold)..
At saturday I'm going 2 the beach with my bodyboard riders,surfers friends and this will be fun! I'll try 2 go to the vies this weekend 2! ::::::I'm happy:::::::: I know I have no rason for it but I'm not sad, and that's wht matters 4 me at da moment.!!!

-->(¨¨`´¨¨)<--Carolover


[8/9/2001 10:13:46 AM | Carol Martins]
[8/7/2001 11:09:15 AM | Carol Martins]
Gosh....! i juss can´t explain how I'm feeling!
You see, the whole thing happened on sunday.. but i juss got the guts to write it down 2day...
I went to a skateboard copetition at a park... I don´t know I really have no idea, but I didn´t realize that R would be there. ( see, I wrote R 'cuz I don't wanna write his name.. It would remember me of him.... I don't wnt it 2 happen)
And it makes me feel like... Yeah, I had really got over him... He skateboards, so it was obvious, |he wolud be there|. Well I woke up @ 7:30 am, that day and waited for my friends call. I met her at the corner and.. Man, when we arrived there.. I've frozen! Wellll, he WAS there... i looked at him and.. The whole thing came over me, and all those feelings were back again.... Man, I fell again.. W C I D??? He looked at us ( me and Lu ) and waved. I did it back .. I was so like GOSH!!!! I want him back!!!....
But i can´t have it!!!!<- That´s the worst,,,, I hate this, I want him back, so, I wanna have him again, it means, I really MUST have him back again.....>>>
Well, I spent the whole day looking @ him, thinking 'bout him and thinkin how sad I would be when I realized that I wont have him back... And well, i guess it´s now... I don´t wanna believe I may not have him back again.. You know... It would make me reallly sad!
So i´ll juss not think 'bout it, okay; i 'll think I will see him again, and talk to him again, and be happy when thinkin 'bout him... You know not juss feel like "I MISS him SOOOOO MUCH"
While I was there I noticed that he don´t even ... well, he might not even reamember me (oh.. thet would be really :(, but I guess í´ts not true, I hope so!!) See, I know he doesn´t miss me @ all, but,,, If u asked me if i think there is any chaces I would probably say 'yes' 'cuz i don´t wanna believe this could.. well, can happen....
Gosh.. he was so gourgeous.. he was kinda blonde,,, wearing shirt, shorts, and,.. Yeah, he was wearing Reef,,,, ->Tht´s not happy, it juss makes me feel more sad! His body is unbelieveable... well unbelieveble ( I guess 'someone' is inventing some words here).
And, man.. his eyes, there's nothing more expressive in da world...
i've been listenin to Silverchair's "Miss u love" song like 4eva..
>>>>>>>>>>>>I can´t help it! If I could I'd stop all theese feelings centures ago... I wanna things like they were before i met him.. Everything were juss so simple,,, Even guys were e z 2 deal with,,,But now things changed and i have nothing but this terrible feelings inside my head... Sometimes I juss stop everything I'm doing to write... no matter wht, I juss write wah I feel.. Sometimes it's poetry, sometimes it's, well, it is this< ^ > I don´t care if someone read it or not, but I have to stop for a while and write, so I can understand wht´s happenig 2 me, acctually, wht's happening 2 my head,,,or my heart

-->(¨¨`´¨¨)<--Carolover


[8/4/2001 11:40:37 AM | Carol Martins]
Right...! So I went 2 that party last nite... I was kinda cool but now i´m really upset...
My friends were there and stuff, but I wasn´t really in da mood 4 something like that.. U know parties are lots better when you do wanna party, but Iwas like, "ok so I´m going, but I'm not sure i'll have fun" And I havent had fun...Not @ all. See, they were play that damned "brazialian funck music" Gosh!... It really, really sux! I hate is sooooo much..
I juss can´t handle it n e more... I´m juss sorrounded by all this brazilian stuff which I hate!
Okay, comin bach on da party,,,, I committed some mistakes there... And I'm pretty sure they will make me a bit more sad, or a bunch more! You know first I was kinda rude with on of my friends, and I think this time i wont be able to fix it...
And then... I juss frenched a guy... Gosh.... Y have I done it? The good side is that his going back to US this sunday... But.. All I wanna know is Y??? Y have i done this stupid thing.. U know i was kinda sure when i thought I wouldn´t french e n one before I met uknowho..again
Maybe I´ve juss done it 'cuz i wanted to forget him.. And it kinda worked, but...You see, there´s Always a but!
See, he's a freind's cousin ans he doesn't live here... Thes friend told me 'bout him on tuesday..I guess, and I was kinda interesed, but I was kiddin with my friend and tellin him I wanted to met his cousin and stuff.. I wanted, but u know how I'm shy w/ people who i don´t know...I was kidding!
So @ the party we were.. u know... talkin, okay, we were talkin and everybody was like.. "c'mon.. when r u going 2 kiss, uh??"
It was soo embarrassing!
Well, we kissed. I was sort of Realllllly diferent... Cuz tha guys I'm , well Im used to french are some steps forward...So it was like well i don´t know how 2 explain but it was kindaa strange!
So my best friend started talking to me and... Men,, i got reallllly pissed off! She alway does it! Every time, every guy one of us french, or somethin like that she juss came out and start...yiu know she does things like huggin the guy, or talkin for hours w/ him, ad telling him bout us (i mean, our group of g friends).. So I had a kinda ficht w/ her i told her I was really upset, and y I was feeling that way, she said "sorry" I was like "not thos time,,, you have to learn some things... It's not 'bout this guy, it's that u are always doing it, when we are always helping ya..' And then the guy juss told me tht it was his fault and stuff... I was so , bu sooo much pised off!!!
The problem is: she is my best friend! The one in my class which i talk to and stuff.. wht will i do? Uh? She will never understand wht I wanted to her and she won´t tak 2 me for a long time.. And her sista is kinda depressed, and believe me, I'm the only one helping her , but I can´t call her 'cuz if her sister answerd the phone and i asked her to talk w/ his sista.. She would "kill me"!
okay.. I´m tired and i much things to thinck about.. things like: "i bet she's dating the guy I frenched yesterday" and "Wht will I do monday?I mean my best friend... she won´t want 2 talk to me, not even hear me!"
Okay... Bye

-->(¨¨`´¨¨)<--Carolover